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Kristen England was born to a poor sharecropping family sometime in the 20th Century. He is unsure of the exact date, as the family was so poor they could not afford calendars, and wristwatches with dates on them were against their religion, a little-known offshoot of Quakerism called Tremorism.
On his thirteenth birthday, Kristen was informed that he had actually been adopted, his real family all having perished in a still-mysterious circus accident involving a flying trapeze, two bison, several gallons of Crisco and a shadowy crime syndicate known only as: The Cadre. After learning this, Kristen devoted the next several years of his life to training as a ninja and fighting crime as The Dungeonmaster. By the time he was seventeen, Kristen began to look for a new path, though.he had solved all the crime, and also realized that he was very unlikely to get laid while prancing around in tights calling himself The Dungeonmaster.
After a series of odd jobs.monkey wrangler, carp thrower, pirate scourge of the Horse Latitudes, messiah to a small but fanatically devoted group of carnies and truck drivers (briefly).Kristen met a man he only ever knew as Uncle Foamy. Uncle Foamy was the last of a secret cult of fantastically skilled midget craftsmen; his trade.the brewing of beer.would die out if he were not able to recruit a suitable apprentice, so he took Kristen under his wing and back to the group.s ancient, secret lair, which, rumor has it, was packed end to end with nothing but strippers and minor rock celebrities waiting to welcome newcomers.
Kristen does not speak much of these times.
Nevertheless, Uncle Foamy trained Kristen well in the ancient art; using his incredibly secret knowledge, Kristen has gone on to win numerous awards, including the 2005 Midwest Home Brewer of the Year. Rumors that Uncle Foamy still roams the halls of the Minnesota Brewing Company, rumors that Kristen sacrifices one virgin goat for each medal, and rumors that this is all complete B.S. remain unsubstantiated at press time.
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